Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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