Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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