im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
