Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
