i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
