having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
