The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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