Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
