At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
