Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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