I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Every concussion has its silver lining
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
