so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
