Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize