how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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