How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
