What did we do last night that was yellow?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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