You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
