Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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