ugly people sure do ruin things
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
