The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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