I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
