Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
