i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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