i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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