I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
