i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
