Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
