this beer tastes like vomit already
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
