i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
