You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
