the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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