My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
