I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
