We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
