she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
