umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
