Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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