He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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