I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
