i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I could fuck to npr.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize