Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
