She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.