I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...