Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?

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  (404): What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning? http://tfl.nu/h6ji
  Replies (19) Good night (1699) Bad night (706)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache

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  (206): got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache http://tfl.nu/qh4z
  Replies (23) Good night (4439) Bad night (1183)
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  (607): View more from New York

  : am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

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  (607): : am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too? http://tfl.nu/kg01
  Replies (36) Good night (5109) Bad night (826)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

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  (740): it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second http://tfl.nu/z13t
  Replies (11) Good night (1178) Bad night (5189)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening

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  (501): At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening http://tfl.nu/z1ws
  Replies (11) Good night (3111) Bad night (1792)
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  (415): View more from California

  Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.

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  (415): Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time. http://tfl.nu/wfi0
  Replies (5) Good night (2114) Bad night (819)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

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  (217): Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls. http://tfl.nu/z40q
  Replies (16) Good night (4390) Bad night (1135)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.

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  (612): i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore. http://tfl.nu/6de5
  Replies (14) Good night (3746) Bad night (806)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?

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  (906): I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u? http://tfl.nu/ided
  Replies (4) Good night (1441) Bad night (863)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?

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  (308): And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night? http://tfl.nu/df5d
  Replies (7) Good night (2457) Bad night (762)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.

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  (724): This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends. http://tfl.nu/8qq1
  Replies (12) Good night (2035) Bad night (628)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?

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  (416): How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard? http://tfl.nu/770q
  Replies (15) Good night (838) Bad night (693)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.

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  (727): Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes. http://tfl.nu/6vbt
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (474)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard

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  (847): You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard http://tfl.nu/8q9y
  Replies (0) Good night (558) Bad night (254)
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  (408): View more from California

  I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.

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  (408): I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced. http://tfl.nu/i2rx
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (245)

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