you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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