You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
