No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
