I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can I color on your dick again?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
