Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
