I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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