ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
