Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
