May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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