I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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