I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
