i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
