Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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