hotel room ftw
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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