Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
