i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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