dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
