WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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