Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
