bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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