I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
