This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are two peas in an std pod
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
