i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
