you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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